The ________ in the Mirror

Mental Masochism

I've got that Michael Jackson song Man in the Mirror stuck in my head again.
Sha-mon
I don't even know the lyrics, just the title line and it is driving me crazy.  It is running through my brain endlessly and has been since it got me out of bed this morning at 4:30am.  Over and over it repeats.  I know that it is my conscience screaming at me to actually go and look in a mirror and face myself, but I haven't yet found the courage to do it yet.      Let the internal torture continue.

Avoidance Due to Fear?

It is my belief that this reluctance to actually face myself in the mirror and address the issue at hand is normal.  Should anyone reading this feel otherwise please keep it to yourself because I and my assumed army of self avoidant people don't want to hear it.  Go and busy yourself and your clear conscience doing good in this world and let us self destruct alone. 

Once I finally do get to it and look at myself in the mirror - I am sure that the face will be recognizable.  More wrinkles, gray hair, and probably more ear and nose hair (that stuff grows faster than my yard) than I would like, but all recognizeable.  It's the eyes that I really don't want to look at.  Being genetically blessed, I suspect that the blue-green color will be the same, but the centers could be ugly - they're no different than yours, round and black, but sometimes it can be quite disturbing to look right at them.  I wish that I could just see the shape and color and appreciate just this, but it is impossible to look directly into them and not see the faults of my most inmost being.

Lack of sleep and fear of the truth is now culminating into a cloud of gray that seems to be creeping over my entire being.  There is depression in the air, a life sucking condition that many know all-too-well and I must take action to choke out its life force.

Fear be Gone!

According to the well researched article from Eric Barker in his recent post  How to Conquer Fear, Backed by Research :

Here’s how to conquer fear:

• Spend time thinking about your fears. Envision them as vividly as possible.
• Make it worse. Yup, take them to the extreme. It won’t kill you. Just sit there with them.
• Gradually expose yourself to your fears. Don’t just imagine them. Slowly get closer and closer to experiencing the real thing.
• Prepare. Use your visualizing to guide you on how to prep and make sure the worst never happens.

Well I can tell you that I have definitely spent some time (particulary time that should have been spent sleeping) thinking about my fears.  I don't think they could get any worse, so I guess that means that it is time to expose myself to them.
It is time to get in front of the mirror, screw preparation.  It's time to rip that Band-aid off - just get to the mirror and find out what the big deal is.

Come to Me, Oh Sanity

As I step in front of the mirror and begin that physically easy but psychologically hard action - looking myself in the eye - I immediately begin to feel sane again.  I have faced the fear of facing myself and already am benefitting.  Now, as I stare deep into my own eyes, I ask, "Ok, Tim, What is the big deal?"

The big deal is that my mind has buried the truths of my thoughts and actions deep within itself so as to maybe hide such disgust from my soul.  There are things I have said and things that I have done that I didn't even think about.  Every action has a consequence and I have been acting a lot without thought to any of them!

As I peer deep into my own soul in the mirror, I begin to take stock of the truths that are me.  These are not all wonderful truths, but as I am bluntly honest with myself  I begin to address my faults in the manner that my Catholic religion has taught me: 

I confess to almighty God ... that I have sinned through my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do ...

(more about being Catholic here: Dynamic Catholic - Be Bold; Be Catholic)

Ignore the Outhouse and the Poop Piles Up

My legs are getting tired from standing here in front of the bathroom mirror.  I have not spent enough time paying attention to my own conscience in a while and the back-log of crap that is in there is taking a while to account for.   If only I would've faced my fear and gone through this process earlier - oops, another "regret",  add it to your list and quit beating yourself up about it - I could have gotten some sleep last night.

Understand that I am not spending this time cleaning myself out in order to re-gain perfection, I have never been perfect and have accepted that as a human I never will be.  
My buddy Sean Carpenter writes about real life and real estate, he said that perfection will never come, but "(that) shouldn't stop us from expecting the best."

Heck, with the list that I am now accumulating I can see that I am no where close to perfection.  This ton of crap that I have now expelled from myself is enough to drown in.  This is where it pays to understand forgiveness - both how to give and how to recieve it.  (ask your pastor/priest about this hyper-earthly experience).

As I complete my inventory of regrets, angers, sins, mistakes, hurts, etcetera, and accept them all as my own and give and receive forgiveness,  I begin to feel the burden release. 
 Sleep may come easy tonight.

Sha-mon.

I Signed with An Agent, Now Where'd They Go?

You want to move and need to sell your home first.

You met with a real estate agent and quickly became convinced that they could expose your home to the market and find a buyer faster than you could on your own, so you signed a contract.

It's been 5 weeks and you still haven't heard anything from the agent.

Your wife is still asking nicely, "What are you going to do about this?"

You've overheard your mother-in-law say, "I don't know why you're having so much trouble, the Rhineharts sold their home themselves in 2 days and got a lot more than anybody thought they would and now they just bought their second vacation home, and ..., and ... . If you would've ..."

One or more idiots you work with asks everyday, "So did you sell your house yet?"

This is not an uncommon situation in the market that I work in; even though it should be.  Real estate agents, especially those of us with the Realtor designation, are supposed to be committed to the promotion of the best interests of our clients, the profession, and the ideals of home ownership, but some are not. 

Situations that create frustration for home Sellers happen all the time.  It should not be that these situations are created by the actions or inaction's of real estate agents.  Even a half-capable agent should keep consistent contact with their active clients.  Good agents set the expectations of communication with their clients way in advance and then meet, and usually exceed, these expectations thus eliminating the added frustration of the Sellers' not knowing what is going on.

For those of you who do find yourself in the above scenario, or anything similar to it, there are some actions that you can take.

1. call, text, and e-mail your listing agent a specific day and time that you expect to hear from them.
2. if you do not get a response: call or e-mail the broker or office manager of the company that you listed with.
3. if still not satisfied then you can contact the local real estate board and issue a complaint.
4. now that you have gotten the complaining off your chest, you can contact any other real estate company to discuss your situation.

Please don't blame the entire industry for the actions of a single representative.  We all work hard to represent the interests of our clients every day.  Do you really think that we just want to put a sign in your yard and then hide from you?  We want you to sell your home for the highest market dollar possible, in the shortest amount of time possible. Period.

I have heard that some upset sellers go FSBO (for-sale-by-owner) and refuse to ever work with an agent again.  They believe that nobody cares because nobody is seeking to fix their problem.  We all want to help BUT, since you signed with an agent we are NOT ALLOWED to seek you out.  We are allowed to speak with you if you seek us out.  Don't go all FSBO, it ends up taking a lot more time and money to sell that way and 85% of the time you will end up listing with an agent again anyway. 

To re-cap:
Try to get ahold of the agent you signed with.  Try to work things out with the Brokerage that you signed with.  Go ahead and complain where it counts.  Talk to other industry professionals about your situation.  Tell your wife what you're doing (she loves you taking control), your mother-in-law that you love her even though she's full of it, and the idiots at work to pluck-the-plank from their own eye.

Let me know how it's going.  I specialize in frustration.